Trial By Fire

There have been a few times in my life where I really felt like God was trying to get my attention. Yesterday was one of them.

I woke up to find my small word spiraling out of my control...I got pushed off a ledge (figuratively speaking) and hit the ground hard. Reality check. Maybe I should've seen it coming, but now I'm left picking up the pieces of my heart and searching in the dark for the next step.

And then God steps in. I sat in my car pouring out my hurt to God and feeling Him wrap his arms around me. And then, since I had some time I needed to kill, I picked up the book Crazy Love. I had read through 75% of it on Sunday, and figured I should finally finish this book I bought months ago. It had talked about God's love for us, and our response in return of love for God. And so I read on. The chapter I started with was entitled "Profile of the Obsessed." After reading not even an entire page, God deals me a blow to the side of the head with the following sentences: True faith is loving a person even after he has hurt you. True love makes you stand out.

Really God? What are you doing to me here? Sometimes when you have to learn a lesson, He wants you aware of it right away. Maybe He wasn't giving me a chance to get angry or put up walls or become bitter. Perhaps He was preparing me for the blow that was still to come. Whatever the reason, He wanted me to read that right then. At least it made me acutely aware of His divine presence.

All I know is I have absolutely no power to cultivate this true faith and love on my own. And, honestly, I don't have much of a desire to either. I've gone over and over things in my mind and constantly think of ways to lash out, to try and make the people that hurt me feel even a percentage of the pain I'm. C.S. Lewis once said "Anger is the fluid love bleeds when you cut it." I think the more you loved, the more you want to go on a search-and-destroy mission of the other person's heart, while at the same time still making excuses for them in your mind.

Enter God again. He asks the impossible of me. And yet He promises everywhere that He can do it. "Is anything to hard for the Lord?" "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." And my favorite passage where God promises His presence - Isaiah 43:1-2:
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

I'm headed through fire...and God is my strength and my fortress.